- Number of messages sorted through: 226
- Number of spam messages missed by filters: 12
- Number of real messages marked as spam: 0
Funny. I don’t remember sending out a bunch of emails to people I’ve never heard of with subject lines reading “Message X” where X is a random integer from 1-99. And yet I seem to be getting a lot of replies that imply that I did. One Jeffrey Watson claims in RE: MESSAGE 33 that he is a hot blonde girl, searching for a man to chat with by email, Skype, “or even meet in reality!” Marva Valentin, in RE: MESSAGE 38 ups the ante, saying she is a pretty woman who is looking for a nice guy “to date in reality!” Sorry, Jeffrina, Marva is already saying she’ll date me in reality, so meeting isn’t that big a deal. I think I’ve found my — wait! Freida Alfaro, in RE: MESSAGE 24, is both pretty AND blonde, and is eager to meet an interesting man for “dates in reality!” Sorry, you two, with Freida I get plural dates! She’s eager! And I don’t even have to be nice! I think Freida wins. Unless Lane Leblanc (RE: MESSAGE 78) or one of the seven others has a better offer… Zap.
Hm, what’s this? One Susane Kamara must have gotten the wrong address. This message is completely in French. How exciting! International intrigue! I wonder what it says… Oh look! There’s an English version at the bottom. “HELLO DEAR FRIENDLY”? She must not speak English terribly well. Says here she’s a lawyer, and she used to represent a family who died in a plane crash seven years ago, and now she has nowhere to put their seven million American dollars. Understandable, as that’s worth about twelve Euro. Hmm. “It is thus after several days of research that I decide on me entrusts has you.” Has what now? This lady talks funny. Zap.
Alison Barnard? What a safe and familiar-sounding name. Subject line: mit blackjack team. Dude, I TOTALLY want to see video of MIT students playing blackjack. They probably have robots, and cards made out of lasers. Show me the link… oh, you want ME to play blackjack? Boring old non-robot non-laser blackjack? I don’t really feel like it. Though I do like your email name: MaryannWheelbaseAlbright. Zap.
Huh. “P&G Privacy”? I care very deeply about my privacy. I’d better take a look at this one. Oh, it’s from Proctor & Gamble. Because I requested a coupon at some point, I’m on their list. Funny, I don’t remember asking for a coupon, but hey, maybe I did. So… okay, so they’ve updated their Privacy Statement, and they’re providing a link to it. Well that’s above and beyond. Most big corporations change their Privacy Statements all the time, and nobody ever notifies me of it. I wonder why my mail program thought this was spam. Could it be because instead of the proctorandgamble dot com url the link is supposed to go to, the actual url is a 30 character alphanumeric string? Not that it matters. It’s a Privacy Statement. Nobody reads those things anyway. Zap.
What is this crazy jibba-jabba?
From: "imfibupc" pltzbq()segmkt,com
Subject: REMjztunZHLcFAnHX
L18JD7 a href="http://petdytetoglp,com/">petdytetoglp, [url=http://migpznghsaez,com/]migpznghsaez[/url], [link=http://oaisaqxkjudi,com/]oaisaqxkjudi[/link], http://hkhhexygfnkj,com/
HOLY CRAP I’M GETTING EMAIL FROM ALIENS. ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP.
Man, I don’t know what to do now. This alien message is probably a warning of a future invasion by a hostile race. What am I supposed to do with that? I’m a pacifist. And by that I mean that I’m crap at fighting. Sure, I have friends who are good with guns, but a few slackers with Airsoft pistols aren’t going to take down an alien mothership. If only I’d gotten in touch with all those Army Sergeants who emailed me last week to ask me to help them smuggle cash out of Iraq. If I’d played nice, I’d be able to call in the favor with the 3rd Infantry. But no, I don’t have the email anymore… Oh hey! Sgt.J Cruz sent me a message! He… he has a new email address! And he still needs help moving that $48 million! The Earth is saved, and I’m a millionaire! Not bad for a Tuesday morning.
Feel free to leave a comment. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have very important things to be getting done “in reality“.