Some boring blog business

jonesy :: 21 October, 2009 9.07pm
filed under: blather :: , , ::

I have turned off the feature that allows anybody in the world to register for this blog. This is a temporary thing; I’m tired of deleting bots, and don’t have the brainjuices to get captcha or something working to avoid it. So for now, if you want to register to comment on a post, you have to go through the painful process of contacting me (using the link to the left), then waiting for an invite, then accepting it. Pretend it’s a Google Wave invite or something, if it helps with your excitement. Comments can now be left without registering by the tried-and-true method of entering a name and email before the comment, just like, you know, most websites.

Similarly, if you were registered for this blog and you no longer are, that means your email/username combo was waaaaay too much like a bot and/or not incredibly amusing. If you really have some pressing comment to make, contact me, I’ll make it right.

To answer a question from months ago and only a few posts back, no. No I have not started blogging again. What can I say? Most of my thoughts are 140 characters or less, and therefore Twitterable.

I have a cold. I need to go to bed now. The only thing preventing me from signing up for Netflix right now is the fact that the computer next to the bed is too ancient to do On Demand movies. Instead, I will probably watch some old zombie movie I already own. Which, really, isn’t that bad.

I’ve said too much. Landshark.

*edited to add Oh yeah, and by the way: the show isn’t dead. It really really isn’t. Milton and Kranium are now making demands of me. It’s like a labor dispute of sorts, and when we all can sit down at a table and hash things out, we’ll start up with Season Four. I will not, however, promise that it will be worth the wait. It might be. But I don’t know yet.

NOW I’ve said to much. Noonan.

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Cord

jonesy :: 10 October, 2009 10.32am
filed under: blather :: ::

“Excuse me, have you seen the sausage guy?”

“I’m sorry?”

“The sausage guy. He’s usually at this table on Wednesdays?”

“Oh, he’s in the hospital.”

“Well, shoot. Is he okay?”

“Don’t know. He probably won’t be coming back.”

“Is he that sick?”

“I suppose that’s a matter of opinion.”

“…I don’t, what–”

“The farmer’s market has ‘disinvited’ him from returning.”

“Why? His sausages were incredible.”

“I probably shouldn’t talk about it.”

“Is there any way we can start a petition, or–”

“They found out he was cording, alright?”

“Cording?”

“It’s… it turns out that sausage guy had an umbilical fetish.”

“I don’t know what–”

“He was taking the sausage casings and attaching them to his belly button.”

“What? How did he–”

“Then he would hire men to… well, to provide nourishment. Through the tube.”

“Provide–”

“They found pictures.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Believe me, you’re not the only one. Anyway, it seems he thought he could actually make a real umbilical.”

“A real–”

“They found him in his bedroom with an Xacto blade, trying to pull his intestines through his belly button.”

“Oh my god.”

“He almost bled to death.”

“I… I just…”

“Yep.”

“…his sausage was so good.”

“Breaks yer heart, doesn’t it?”

This thing appeared in my head this morning. I am of the opinion that, somewhere in England, Warren Ellis is thinking about funny robots and doesn’t know why.

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