- Number of messages sorted through: 239
- Number of spam messages missed by filters: 11
- Number of real messages marked as spam: 2
By FAR the best email address since this project began has to be drblessedifydickofficeatmpresid… (at) yahoo.co.jp. I find the particularly long username makes the brain marvel at the myriad possibilities of grammar and parsing. Also of note, an email from one Benjamin Franklin. Who was, according to the subject line, chilling out on his yacht. Which is, when you think about it, not entirely out of character for the bad boy of the founding fathers. It was certainly, for Franklin, all about the Benjamins.
As is always the way, the bulk of the spam this week (hovering around 60%) was prescription-related. Quite a few emails from one “Most Read Story”, which I have to say is one of the more optimistic fake names I’ve seen. Also a few usernames came into the spambox that were so close to people I actually know that it gave me pause. Of course, Adam and Doug don’t care that much about my rigidity, so I figure it probably wasn’t them.
Got a rather large handful of inquiries about ebay listings I’d never heard of. Amusing, partly because about the only time I didn’t get a bunch of these types of spam was when I actually had an item listed on ebay. A few days after shipping out the item, I started getting these messages again. Very weird.
Actually, I have to say, there is a part of me that always wants to check accounts referenced in spam. When I see that ebay, or Amazon, or someplace has a “problem with my account,” I find it very hard not to go check. I mean, I always use a new browser, and type the actual address in myself, I’m not a complete idiot. I see it sort of like looking under the bed for monsters. It’s a dumb thing to do… but wouldn’t you feel even more dumb if you didn’t look and there was a monster under there?
(Granted, it was only last Saturday that I, after a surprisingly spooky movie late at night, had to fight the urge to sleep with the light on, so maybe my paranoia is just particularly bad as of late.)
Anyway. The rest was mostly watches and Sergeants looking to unload war gold, sprinkled with a modicum of porn and fake watches. A few fake IRS refunds (one of which might have actually duped me into maybe thinking about looking into the possibility of its veracity had the URL not contained several lines of unnecessary hex code). A few fake lottery wins, offers of debt consolidation, and a couple fake job offers, which really burns my biscuits in these difficult times. Fake jobs, that’s just mean, and sadly will probably work better than most financial offers. I know my own defenses are down when it comes to possible employment. Anybody not used to being on their guard might just find themselves first-time victims.
As for me, Benny Franklin just emailed again. He’s gonna swing the yacht by on his way to Cabo. Dude just doesn’t know when to quit. Probably all the pharmaceuticals.
I like to keep my spam filter cleaned out on a fairly regular basis, checking to make sure no real messages have fallen prey to overzealous bot-removal. As a small experiment, I have decided to start keeping tabs on some trends in the varieties and frequencies of spam received at various locations. As this is the first column in the series, you’ll perhaps forgive me if I have little sense of structure; I figure on allowing the feature to grow organically, depending on the material available.
- Number of messages sorted through: ~700
- Number of spam messages missed by filters: 7
- Number of real messages marked as spam: 6
This being the first week, and having not gone through the spam filters for a few weeks, there’s a bit too much data to add up easily, so I’ll go by trends.
It seems the fake pharmaceutical market is still very strong, though I was surprised to see a trend in the last couple days away from viagra offers and towards anti-depressants and vicodin.
What seems to be a growing trend is the sale of fake watches and designer shoes. An indicator of the financial crisis? Or have I just not been on that particular spam list before? It does give me a new visual metaphor for spammers as creepy guys with trenchcoats standing in alleyways. Which is utterly appropriate.
Not seeing as many fake messages from eBay, PayPal, or large corporate banking institutions. Also of note, the era of the fake RE: tag seems to be coming to an end. It was, for a moment, a great way of side-stepping most filters, but those days are long gone.
I think what’s most tragic is the apparent death of the Nonsense Spam. Out of 700 messages, not ONE of them was from “Felicitous T. Blendertrouser” or “Horatio M. Sanctimonious”. There was a Silver Age of Spam there for a while, where all the senders’ names sounded like Marx Brothers characters, and most of the body text consisted of weird mash-ups of other literary sources, DaDaist cut-up short stories I would almost always read when I had a spare moment. Now, it’s all essentially fake advertising as boring as real advertising. Nobody’s trying any more. Or maybe I just don’t get them any more.
Two spams stand out. One was missed by the filter, and was an endless tirade about the impending doom of my immortal soul. For a while I thought it might be actual hate mail from a non-adoring fan (and yes, I would consider anyone who sends hate mail a fan, as you have to be a fanatic about something in order to hate it enough to want to interact with it), until I realized there was a sketchy link at the bottom, essentially asking for money to ensure a place in heaven. Considering I got this mail right after being turned down for two separate jobs, it did not put me in the best of moods.
The other is only vaguely spam, in that it is unsolicited advertising, but it also well may be a legitimate business. It is a service that offers to photograph your business using an oblique camera hung from either a Cessna or a helicopter. The email was my “last call” to get on their aerial photography schedule for October, apparently a prime time for it, what with all the beautiful fall foliage and all. Most head-scratching (and spam-worthy) is the fact that they’re in the midwest, nowhere near where I used to own either of my businesses. I wish them safe flying.
Now the spam boxes are all empty, I need to get out and about, amongst other things dealing with one of the messages caught in the filter by mistake. Only missed it by 12 hours. Check back next Tuesday for more fun with spam. And feel free to leave your own spam stories in the comments.
